Sleep Aide

As I was taking my Ambien, Hubby said "Do you take that every night?".   When I answered yes he said "I think you are addicted to those things.....Hey!  Wouldn't it be great if the only way you could get your Ambien was if it was released with semen?  Then we BOTH could get a good night's sleep!"

Perfect Woman

Hubby grabbed me, hugged me tightly and said "You know, you could not be more perfect to me......well, maybe if you could shit tamales..."

How Long?

Hubby:  "It was a week ago when we had sex."

Me:  "It was three days ago....THREE DAYS AGO!  What?  You were calculating it in dog years?"

Nipple-seur

While he was paying attention to my nipples I said "You know if nipple nibbling were an art form, you would be like a DaVinci."

Elvis Concert Tragedy

I was singing My Way this morning and shared a story about one of my cousins. Many years ago it was announced that Elvis would be playing at Rupp Arena, My Cousin, Mary camped out for three days to make sure she got tickets for the Elvis concert.  Then before the concert date arrived, Elvis Presley died.  Rather than take her tickets back for a refund, Mary opted to save them as a memento. Who knows?  They might be worth a little money for an Elvis memorabilia collector.

Hubby says "Well that says a lot about Elvis.  I mean if he would rather die on the shitter than play in Kentucky.  Sounds like the King knew Kentucky sucked."

Poetic Penis

"My throbbing manhood is merely an extension of my beating heart."

Bad Fortune Cookie

Hubby and I had Chinese food for lunch and when the check and cookies arrived I read my fortune cookie aloud "Get your mind set....Confidence will lead you on." He read his "You have a deep appreciation of music and arts." I said "Not only does your fortune really suck......mine is amazing which makes yours suck even more."