Bad Fortune Cookie

Hubby and I had Chinese food for lunch and when the check and cookies arrived I read my fortune cookie aloud "Get your mind set....Confidence will lead you on." He read his "You have a deep appreciation of music and arts." I said "Not only does your fortune really suck......mine is amazing which makes yours suck even more."

Romeo Come On

We were watching The English Patient last night and I commented on how poetic and erotic Ralph Fiennes' character was.  Not to be outdone, Hubby shouts "Oh fair maiden, thine beauty leaves my manhood throbbing with lust!"

Love Has Limits

Hubby:  "I love you so much."
Me:  "More than anything?"
Hubby:  "Yes.......except for a really good rack of ribs."

Doggy Style

Our dog Brutus jumped up in the bed and immediately started licking his pecker.  I yelled "Stop that!  There will be no pecker licking in this bed!".  Hubby said "I wish I could do that."  I looked him in the eye and said "Ya know what?  I wish you could too."

Past Gas Forgotten

Last night Hubby and I were lying in bed when I heard him pass gas.  Several moments passed before the odor hit my side of the bed and I yelled "You are rank!".  He said "What?  I haven't done anything."  I said "I suppose you didn't hear that trumpet sound coming out of your ass?".  Chuckling he said "I must have fartnesia."